Baby Seth's Story

Rough Nights...

2011-11-19T08:54:00.003-06:00

Lately, I have been having a really HARD time at night...(way more than "normal")..I am not sure if it is the Holidays, or what it is, but I lay in bed, and cry, and as I cuddle my little Asa, I dream of snuggling my sweet Seth. I hope it gets better SOON, because i am EXHAUSTED laying there for 2 or more hours TRYING to go to sleep, (and Asa doesnt sleep past 7:30 normally)...This time of year is so hard on me, on ALL that have lost Children. The slightest thing sets me off. I went to the mall yesterday, trying to get some birthday shopping out of the way for Emma, and was looking at Christmas ornaments for our family ornament this year, and about broke down, because as i look for a "family of five" ornament, all i can think about is not having Seth here, waking up EARLY, and opening the poresents under the tree. While there looking, and telling the lady what i was looking for, she asks "Where is the third?" I simply said "He died" and walked out...I LOVE talking about him, but when people catch me off gaurd, it is HARD...Well, I guess I better get off of here, and get myself and the babies ready for the day

GOD BLESS!!

it't been ROUGH!!!

2011-08-22T20:37:00.002-05:00

Hey!! I know I havent been here in a WHILE, but it has been rough for me. I am trying my best, to be as happy as possible, for my children, but it is hard. I miss Seth sooooo much, and some days are so hard to get through. Anyway, about a year ago, a lady found my blog and got in touch with me about a book. She asked me if I would be interested in sharing Seth's story in her book, and of course, i said yes!! I submitted our story, and she has kept in touch with me about the progress. Well, the book is now out and I recieved my copy of the book yesterday, and I LOVE IT!!! I have already read the whole thing. It is a book of more than 20 stories, submitted by parents that have had miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant loss. I highle recommend the book to any babyloss parent. It is a very inspirational book. it is called Always Within: grieving the loss of your infant, by Melissa Eshleman. Thank you so much Melissa. you are a GREAT woman, and you mean so much to me and my family!!!

Gob Bless Everyone!!

A hard day...

2011-02-24T21:59:00.002-06:00

Today, I had a telephone interview with a lady from the Arkansas Children's hospital, center of Birth Defects. They sent me a letter to complete, and send back to them a few weeks ago, If I wanted to participate in a study, and I said why not, maybe this could benefit someone. Anyway, The lady called, and the interview was set up for today. It was about my pregnancy with my sweet Seth, 3 months befpre, and 3 months after. And the VERY FIRST question was...."is your son still alive? I was like really?? this was stated in the papers that I sent to you already.. Anyways, with tears in my eyes, I simply said, no, no he isn't. And most of the questions after that made me cry. Needless to say, this interview has made for a very emotional day. I miss him so, so much. And night time get to me more than anything. Night time is the only time tyhat I have quiet time, to actually sit and think, abiut the things that have happened in my life, both good and bad. And I must say, of all of the things that have happened, losing my son, is definately the one that has not gotten easier, and I know, it will never get any easier. It still feels the same as the day we say,"see you soon, sweet Seth"

Well, sweet friends of mine, it is time I turn in for the night.. my sweet rainbow is tired..
God Bless you ALL!

PJ

Ramblings of a hurting mommy.

2011-02-15T08:35:00.003-06:00

Wow. It has been so long since I have done ANYTHING here. Where do I even begin? I have kind of stayed away, because in some way, being here makes me hurt. Having to have a blog, for a dead child...it just hurts. Tomorrow, we will come to the 22nd month without our sweet, precious son. That means in just 2 short months, we will celebrate yet another birthday/ANGELversary. He is DEARLY missed. People have told me that in time, it will get easier. Well here we are 22 months later, and I still hurt as much, if not more than I did 22 months ago. I really don't think it will EVER get ANY easier. Saying goodbye to a chile, is NOTHING like saying goodbye to a parent, grandparent, or sibling. Yes, I understand, thant DOES hurt, I understand, because I lost the woman that I called "mom" when I was only 12. But that didn't hurt near as bad as losing my son. Yes, I do miss my mom. But I don't cry EVERY NIGHT for her, like I do for my Seth. I just miss him so so so much!!! Life isn't easy, when you can't hold ALL of your children in your arms. With all of this being said, I must now go to work...the one place, when on days like today, I really DO NOT want to go...

God Bless You all!!

PJ

something on my mind...

2010-07-27T13:57:00.002-05:00

Last week, Asa had his 2 month well check, and while I was in the "newborn" room, There were moms (of NEW babies) complaining of being TIRED...I kind of stayed to myself, until one of them looked at me and said "you must be as tired as we are, you have 2 small children". I POLITELY looked at them and said, The tiredness DOES NOT bother ne, because, had my 2nd child LIVED I would have 3 SMALL children. I also told the 2 girls that were in there, that I would get some decent sleep IF I did't wake up every Hour and a half to check and make sure my child was breathing. They both just kind of stopped complaining. I can't stand when people complain about their babies..They should just be happy THAT THEY STILL HAVE THEIR CHILDREN!!!!!! ugh..sorry about the rant...but I had to get that out!!!

God Bless!!

Our Family Blog...

2010-06-28T14:46:00.003-05:00

PLEASE, If you haven't already, go follow our NEW family blog. Go to http://www.thepumphrey5.blogspot.com to check it out!

Blessings,

PJ

14 months...

2010-06-16T13:48:00.005-05:00

Wow. Seth would have been 14 months old today. It has gone by sooooo fast. We miss him dearly, and even tho we wish he was still here (on earth) with us, we know that he is in the best place EVER!!! We feel like we have a piece of heaven with us, because Asa looks sooooo much like his big brother it is unreal... I want to share some pics of him...

Here are some of him IN the hospital..He spent 2 weeks in Arkansas Children's Hospital..It was scary. We .almost lost him....In the first one, he was on the vent.

Now, here are some after we were home....

Seth is a BIG BROTHER!!!

2010-05-14T17:28:00.002-05:00

Asa made his grand appearence on May 7th at 1:17 am, weighing 7 lbs 13 oz, and was 19.7 inches long!!! He had some breathing problems, and ended up with one of his lungs collapsing. Surgery was done, and a chest tube placed in. He was airlifted to Arkansas Children's Hospital, where we are still. He is doing much better, and we should get to go hime in about a week!! Just wanted to let you all know!!!

PJ

Seth's First Birthday...

2010-04-19T07:38:00.002-05:00

Sorry I haven't been on..I have been really busy lately...

Well Seth's birthday was hard..as expected, but we made the best of it. We went to the cemetery and released a few balloons, left a few balloons, and visited with him for a little while. His big sister kissed the balloons and told the bye bye..On the way to the cemetery she sang happy birthday to Seth THE WHOLE WAY. lol...We got lots of birthday wishes from lots of friends, and HOlly (Carleigh's mommy) released a couple of balloons for Seth as well. Thanks Holly. It really means alot to my family.

On a brighter note (for those of you who dont read the family blog) Seth will be a big brother in no later than about 4 weeks!!!

Thats about it..

thanks for reading and God Bless all of you!

10 months ago (tomorrow)...

2010-02-15T10:21:00.002-06:00

Wow, I can't believe that 10 months has already gone by!!! 10 months ago today, I was preparing for the hospital, and didn't get one bit of sleep that night(maybe a couple of hours at the most). I remember waking up at 3:30 the next morning, so I could get everything we needed in the car, and debating on whether or not to bring an infant car seat to the hospital. Eventually we decided to go ahead and bring one, which made for a very difficult car ride home from the hospital! I just can't believe that just 10 short months ago, we met our little Angel, and shortly said goodbye to him. In some ways it feels like it has been sooooooooo long since I held him, but in others it just doesn't feel like it has been almost a year!! I miss him terribly, and have been having quite a few "bad" days, and even harder nights. Every night I lay in bed thinking about every single detail about the day we had him. Some nights I'll think of some things, and other nights other things. It is amazing how I can remember just about every detail of Seth being alive, but can't remember most things that I done last week! I can;t believe that in 2 short months, we will be celebrating His 1st year birthday, and angelversary..All of these things kind of snuck up on us way too fast!!! Time has gone by sooooo fast!! Thanks for checking in on us!!!

God Bless You All!!

New BLOG!!!

2010-02-04T10:20:00.003-06:00

Well, I have decided to make a family Blog! Seth's will still be here, and updated as time goes, but I don't feel that I want to post blogs about our new pregnancy on Seth's blog. Ig you want to follow our new blog, here it is http://thepumphrey5.blogspot.com/

God Bless You All!

the Dr. that Diagnosed Seth with anencephaly.

2010-02-02T22:07:00.002-06:00

As I was watching 19 kids and counting (the hospitalization of momma Duggar, and birth of baby Josie) I see this familiar face pop on the screen. As I take a double look, I realize that it was Dr. Wendell, the SAME doctor that Diagnosed my little Seth with anencephaly. I have to say, it brought a tear to my eye to see his face again, even if it was only on TV. He is the sweetest man, and a great doctor. The Duggar's were blessed to have this wonderful mandeliver their beautiful aby girl. Just thought I would share!

wow...

2010-01-26T12:09:00.002-06:00

Can you all believe that it is almost February??? Time is going by so fast, and I know lots of wonderful people, and myself are getting ready to celebrate their angel's first birthday/angelversary!! I just can't believe that almost a year ago, we said hello and goodbye to our angels. I am thinking of you all, and as I may not be able to physically be at your baby's celebration, I will sure be thinking of you and your angel!! In just a little over 2 months will be Seth's 1st angelversary, and I am starting to think of ways to celebrate it! And just a couple of weeks ofter that, we will be welcoming a new baby boy to our family! What a year we have all had. It has had it's ups and it's downs. I know it seems like life has just SUCKED for us, but we were all so blessed to be able to meet our babies, and hold them, and love them. Isn't it so wonderful that the whole time our babies were with us, the only thing that they knew was pure LOVE?!?! Well I guess it is time for me to feed my little girl some lunch!! I will get back to you all soon!!!
AND

CONGRATS HOLLY, ANTHONY, KYNDRA, AND CARLEIGH ON THE NEW BABY!!! I am so happy for you guys!! love you

God Bless all of you!

Seth is going to have a.....

2010-01-04T20:32:00.002-06:00

HEALTHY LITTLE BROTHER!!! Asa Laine will be here in May!! I am so excited, but I miss my other baby boy terribly!! I sure hope that this baby looks a lot like my Seth...just wanted to let yall know!!!

Holidays..

2009-12-30T21:15:00.002-06:00

Wow, I guess Christmas really got to us!! I haven't been on here in FOREVER.. I am so sorry!! Well, the holiday's went as expected, I cried, laughed, and just remembered my little boy!! it was a very hard time, but It was also a very joyful time!! Well, I just wanted to stop in and let you all know that I DO still exist!! lol

Thanks for checking in!!

Please help me in remembering Seth during the Holidays..

2009-12-11T10:45:00.000-06:00

My Dear friends and family,

I got this idea From a wonderful friend named Angela Donaldson, and it cannot be completely done without those who love Seth, Matt, Emma, and Me.

The concept is that you fill a stocking with notes that are written about your baby/child and read them on Christmas day. Ask friends and family to participate, have them mail or email their notes to you.
We have a special Christmas stocking just for Seth. The hope is to fill it with heartfelt notes from those who wish to help me in remembering him. Knowing that your little angel will not be forgotten is the best gift you can give a bereaved mother. The notes really have no guides just write what you feel. You can write to Seth, Matt, Emma,or Me, or just “Merry Christmas in Heaven Seth” or “I will love and remember you Seth.” It doesn’t have to be more than a sentence really. The point is just to remember him with us on Christmas. The smallest gesture carries the biggest comfort and love in the hardest of times. I figured this is a great way for all those around me to love and support me through this holiday without actually having to be here or call me as I know all of us have families to be with. Consider this my Christmas present. I want to say that there is no need to “sensor” your writings as nothing that could be written could upset me or hurt me more than the loss of Seth already has. I encourage all of you to just write what is in your heart, if you had things that you wish you could have said to Seth or us then I implore you to do so. It will help you as much as it helps me. I appreciate any notes or thoughts that are sent to fill Seth's stocking, I will hold them all very close to my heart!

So here is how I am going to accomplish this: Ask all of you for a note. Then have you send it to my address. 207 Russell Lane Malvern AR 72104. If you don't want to send it that way then send them to my email at emmasmommy1202@yahoo.com, but I REALLY love to get stuff in the mail!! Especially stuff that helps me remember my Seth!!

Thank you again for everything. Love to each and every one of you. I hold you all close to my heart.

*** (\o/) For all my angel-mommies, I know that all of us have a rough time during the holidays. I included you in this note as, I wanted to not only hopefully get a note from you but I also wanted to share this idea with you all. If you are going to do this or something close to this, Please send me a message and let me know as I would be honored to write each and every one of you a little note about your baby/babies. I hope we all find some peace during the holidays and feel the love of not only our angels but those in our lives too. Thank you ladies again.

Seth's Christmas Tree..

2009-11-30T09:51:00.007-06:00

Well, yesterday, we decorated Seth's little Christmas tree, and took it out to the cemetery. Matt, Emma, and I went out yesterday evening, and spent time at his grave site. It was such a pretty day, and Emma sure was happy to love on her brothers Headstone. Here are a few pics...

Seth's Tree...

Emma kissing brother's stone..

Emma again with brothers stone..

7 months..

2009-11-16T09:18:00.002-06:00

Has it really been 7 months since I held my little boy? It doesn't seem like it could have been that long ago, but then again, it seems like it has been so much longer since I held Seth, kissed his perfect little lips, and hugged him tight. WOW, I just cant believe this time has passed. This year has really gone by super fast. I miss Seth so much, and I am so scared to see how Christmas is going to go this year, Last year, the week before Christmas is when we found out that Seth had anencephaly, and this year, well, he isn't with us. Holidays are so hard for me, as I am sure they are for most of you. Hopefully we will get through without breaking too bad. Please, for those of you who have lost babies/children, please tell me how you get through. Well, on a different note, we bought Seth's Christmas tree for the cemetery, and are decorating it with "baby's first Christmas" ornaments, and taking it out there..I can't wait to decorate his grave for Christmas!! Thanks for checking in on us! Love you all!

Christmas Balloon Release..update

2009-11-05T18:55:00.002-06:00

I am doing a Christmas Balloon Release in memory of my little Seth, in December. If you are interested in participating in this with us, please let me know, and I will get you more Information!! Thanks!!

Well I am doing the release on December 20th at 4 pm all time zones.

feeling guilty...

2009-11-04T10:30:00.002-06:00

Well I just found out that an antibiotic I was taking while Seth was conceived is one of the sulfa drugs that is linked back to causing anencephaly. I was taking bactrim the last 2 weeks of July, and all of august, I found out I was pregnant with Seth on September 11th, and I was a about 4 or 5 weeks pregnant. So now I am really upset, thinking maybe I could have prevented it, if I hadn't taken the anti biotics...ugh..i feel so guilty, and i am now blaming myself for Seth being gone..Please pray that I get better, and come to terms with this...

prayer please...

2009-11-01T18:08:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone!! Well to start off with, my mother and father in law's house caught fire on Friday night. It wasn't a complete loss, but their bedroom, bathroom, and closet are gone. They are staying at our house til everything gets repaired, which may take a while. Their insurance will over everything that was lost, except for pictures, of course, you cant replace them. Please pray for everyone. We have been through soooo much this past year, but e still keep our faith. Thanks for praying!!! you are all sooo awesome..I love you all!!!!

ULTRASOUND NEWS....

2009-10-27T14:41:00.002-05:00

Well Everyone....MY BABY IS HEALTHY, AND HAS A PERFECT ROUND HEAD!!!!!Just wanted to update everyone!!Thank you all for the prayers...and please keep them coming.. So far EVERYTHING looks really good!!!

Seth's Headstone has arrived....

2009-10-17T12:09:00.004-05:00

Well, it finally came in!!! On Tuesday, October 13, 2009..I just wanted to share a few pics!! more to come!!

ultrasound....

2009-10-07T09:52:00.001-05:00

Well today I had my first initial appointment. I had to answer TONS of questions...but, they scheduled my ultrasound appointment. I will have an ultrasound on October 26th at 11:20 am...I cant wait..just 3 more weeks!!! Please Pray that the baby is healthy!!!

update on the headstone...

2009-10-05T14:26:00.001-05:00

Well, no sooner that I posted that last post, the people called me from the monument place, and said it would be the 14th..UGH do they not realized it has already been WAY over the 90 day limit they told me??????? I AM REALLY UPSET NOW!!!

Seth's Headstone...

2009-10-05T11:17:00.001-05:00

Will be delivered and set up Wednesday afternoon!!! The lady FINALLY called me last Thursday, and said they were bringing it On wednesday, October 7. I also have a doctor appointment that morning! I will post pics as soon as it gets here! I am so excited!

Stressed and worrying over everything...

2009-09-30T11:13:00.003-05:00

I can not wait til I get my ultrasound. I have been doing nothing but stressing and worrying about all of the possibilities. I really want this baby to be healthy, but now of all of the things that COULD go wrong, I do not think I will be at peace til my baby is here, safe in my arms. Please pray for us. I try to think positive, but at the same time so many other things run through my head. I know so many people that have miscarried lately, and my cousin recently carried a little girl full term, and she passed away during delivery. There could have been something wrong with her baby, they didn't know, because she never went to the doctor at all during her pregnancy, but all of these things run through my head. ugh....I am ready to get my ultrasound!!!!!!!

Well...

2009-09-21T12:16:00.002-05:00

I found out Friday that I am PREGNANT..i am having mixed emotions. I an so happy..but I am very nervous, and scared. Please pray that we have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby!! I am due May 27, 2010. Wow..I am so excited to be pregnant and I am praying hard that we have a healthy baby!!!

5 months...

2009-09-16T11:27:00.002-05:00

Today is Seth's 5 month birthday in Heaven. I miss him so much. I can't help but think what he would look like, what he would be doing, and if he would be like his sister, and already be crawling? Today is kind of a rough day, and to top everything off, On my way to my mother in law's house, I wrecked my car. Emma and I are fine, and so is my car, other than a few dents. I am so thankful that we are ok. We didn't flip, but I know God was with us, because that is the only reason we did not wreck. It was obvious we should have flipped. Well im cutting this one short, I am till a little shaken up by this whole thing. Happy 5 month birthday baby boy, I love and miss you sooo much!

1 year ago...

2009-09-09T15:08:00.005-05:00

One year ago (the 11th) I found out I was pregnant with Seth. I was overfilled with happiness. We Our family of 3 was about to become a family of 4. Little did we know, On December 18, 2008 Our baby boy was diagnosed with Anencephaly. A NTD that is supposed to "Incompatible" with Life. My dreams were crushed. I had no idea what was going to happen. and I prayed the whole time, that God some somehow, work a miracle and that my little boy would be born Healed. Well that didn't happen, but God did answer my prayers. I got to spend time with my little boy, hold him, kiss him, and tell him how much I loved him. And I got to say goodbye. I prayed that if God didn't heal him, that he give me time with my little boy. And as 11 hours was not near enough, it was way more than some others get. I miss my son so much. I love to talk about him, look at his pictures, and think of what could have been, even tho I know it will never be. I am very thankful for the wonderful friends I have met, Thanks to my little boy. Mommy loves you Seth Ryan, and I can't wait to see you, and hold you again! <3 My Precious Baby Boy!!!

Could you imagine...

2009-09-03T13:15:00.002-05:00

Could you imagine, not getting to say goodbye? Could you imagine, not knowing your child was going to die, and all of a sudden they are gone? I couldn't. Even tho I would do ANYTHING to have my son back, I think I was blessed that God let me prepare myself, and I didn't just all of a sudden lose my Seth. I was reading another blog (a mom that lost her daughter, an old classmate of mine, to cancer at just age 16) about parents just all of a sudden losing their children, and not saying goodbye, and it touched me. Do you realize, that even tho our children are gone, if you got to say goodbye, and got to prepare yourself (well as much as you could at a time like this) that you were, you ARE blessed. Atleast we knew, and we were able to spend that time with them, telling them goodbye, telling them how much we love them. It is something (until now) that I HAVE NOT thought about. I just thought it was the most horrible thing, to lose a child (and it is) but atleast we got to say goodbye. Atleast the last time we talked to our children, it was not an argument. ANYWAYS...I still have not heard from the monument place about the headstone. But hopefully soon I will. I feel as It is getting harder as time passes. I take a few steps forward, and then fall 10 backwards. I sure hopes this gets somewhat easier soon. Please pray that it does. I am trying to be strong for my husband and daughter, but at night when they are asleep, I cry. Most nights I cry myself to sleep. I just want my son back so bad. I know its selfish, but I do. I long to hold him, feed him, even be up all night with him. Gosh, I just miss him so much. Well I am going to quit rambling, and let you readers free. Thanks for checking in, and thank you so much for walking our Journey with us! God Bless You All!!!!!

is it reall already FALL???

2009-09-01T12:55:00.003-05:00

Wow, I can not believe in just a few short days it will actually be FALL. Fall of last year is when I found out I was pregnant with Seth (the actual date was Sept. 11, 2008) Man time sure is flying by. This means it has been just that much longer since Seth graced the world with his presence and peacefully slipped into the arms of God just hours later. I miss him so much. I miss having him in my arms, kissing him, and the way he smelled. I miss his sound, his touch, and how I felt when I held him, and had my WHOLE family in arms reach of me. it is so hard to believe it has already been almost 5 months. I just imagine what he would look like, what he'd be doing, how big he would be, and all the little sounds he would be making. Gosh I just miss him so much. Well, I ordered his headstone on May 8th, and it still HAS NOT been put up. The sad thing is, they said they did have his stone in stock, and it would only be 3 months at the most. I am so ready to get it. I wait for them to call me every day all day to tell me its on its way to the cemetery. Hopefully it wont be long. I am getting impatient. Well thanks for checking in. I love you all!

PJ

Nevaeh Grace...

2009-08-25T16:28:00.003-05:00

Baby Nevaeh Grace was born this morning at 8:15 and slipped into the arms of God at 9:14 am. She lived for a wonderful 59 minutes. Please continue to keep this family in you prayers, as this is the HARDEST thing a parent could EVER go through.

WE LOVE YOU MIA, AND THE WHOLE SPIKER FAMILY!

Please Pray For Mia...

2009-08-24T15:13:00.002-05:00

My friend Mia is having her precious baby Nevaeh Grace tomorrow, who like Seth, has anencephaly. Please pray for a good delivery and lots of time with baby Neveah for mommy and daddy! We love you and are praying for your family Mia!!! Can not wait to see pictures of that precious little girl!

WOW...

2009-08-18T09:37:00.003-05:00

Has it really already been 4 months???Sunday My little boy would have turned 4 months. It has gone by so fast, but seems like it has been forever since I have held him. I miss him so much. I long to hold him. I have had a hard time lately trying to cope with all of this. And I know I shouldn't question God, but I do. I just want to know why it had to be my son. I am a good mommy and we have wonderful family. Why does it happen to the best of us? Everyone that I know that has lost a baby DID NOT DESERVE THIS..no one does..I just feel like screaming GIVE ME MY BABY BACK..but I know it wont do any good. The only thing that gets me through is knowing that I will see him again, and that he is safe in the arms of God!
I love all of you, my wonderful, sweet friends!!

UGH...

2009-08-06T13:43:00.002-05:00

The past couple of days have been HORRIBLE for me. I have had people tell me I need to "move on" and "get over" my son dieing. I have had a friend lose her 19 month old son, and watched my sisters dream to be pregnant crash. First off let me say to those of you who think the mothers that have lost a baby need to move on, We WILL NEVER "move on" or "get over" our children. We are supposed to want our children back. It isn't like it's a parent or grandparent. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BURY THEM. They are the past. A parent should NEVER have to bury a child. Children are the future, not the past. They are supposed to bury us, and mourn our loss, we are not supposed to bury them and morn their loss. If you have ever lost a child you know how I feel. And this may sound mean, sorry if you get offended by it, but, YES a miscarriage is a loss, that I know, and I know it is painful. But please don't tell me you "know" how I feel because you had a miscarriage early in your pregnancy. Because YOU DON'T you did not have to hold you child and watch them slowly die. I am sorry that you had a miscarriage, but I promise it is in NO WAY harder than carrying a baby to term and watching them die. ANYWAYS...A former friend told me yesterday, that I needed to MOVE PAST Seth dieing, that he and his wife had a miscarriage, and the loss is not as painful as I put it out to be...Excuse me for saying this..BUT to hell with you Shawn. you have NO CLUE. Needless to say, we do not talk to them anymore. Sorry formaking you listen to all of my ramblings..but I needed to get it out. Please continue to pray for our friends Jamie and Travis as they bury little Ben tomorrow, at the young age of 19 months. We l0ove you Jamie, Travis and Anna!!

PJ

Please Pray...

2009-08-05T13:44:00.002-05:00

My husband and I have friends that lost their 19 month old son last night. Travis (the dad) works with Matt, and me and Jamie (the mom) have become friends through them. Their son Ben (19 months old) had Menkes and passed away last night. Please pray for comfort, peace and Healing for this family, as most of us here know what it feels like to lose a baby. We know that losing a child is the worst pain anyone could ever go through. And if you have not gone through this horrible pain, I pray that you never have to. Please pray that Jamie and Travis and their daughter Anna (3 or 4 years old) get through this painful time, and that they somehow find peace in knowing that Ben is in heaven playing with all of our little angels. Thanks you in advance for the prayers!

PJ ~mommy to Seth Ryan~ 4-16-09 11 precious hours.

Update on my sister...

2009-08-04T12:39:00.001-05:00

Well, here it goes...She did not miscarry, but the baby never formed. Everything but the baby formed, and made her think she was pregnant. So that takes some of the pain away..but not all of it. They were so ready for a new baby. The doctor told her they could try again in about a month..so pray for them, that they get pregnant fast...

PJ

Please Pray...

2009-07-30T20:41:00.002-05:00

My sister (whom I mentioned in a previous post) found out she was pregnant a little over a month ago. Well today, at a routine ultrasound appointment, she found out that she more than likely is miscarrying the baby. Please pray that she can find peace quickly, and pray that I can offer her the right words of encouragement. She told me today, that if she HAD to choose, this would be the way she would want to lose a baby. She told me that she could not go through what I did, and that I was way stronger than she could ever inagine. But a loss is a loss, no matter what happens. It ALWAYS hurts, tho it hurts some more than others. And some ways are harder than others. thanks for the prayers. I love you all so much.

I am the mother if 2 children. One who walks beside me and one that flies above me.

PJ

feeling down lately...

2009-07-22T14:56:00.002-05:00

Well my lovely followers, time for another sad mommy update...

They past few weeks I have been having a hard time. As some of you know my birthday was on the 20th, and boy was it hard not having my little Seth here with me. I should have had both of my children with me to celebrate, but I only had one. that is better than none right? This year it just wasn't the same, and I don't think it ever will be. A huge part of me feels so EMPTY. I cry all of the time, and having friends that are having babies does not help. Also, I don't remember if I told you or not, but my sister is also pregnant, which makes things even harder. We used to talk everyday, and when we were pregnant with our daughters (at the same time) we would call each other after every appointment. I am sad to say that we don't talk everyday anymore, because I am scared. I know it is going to hurt to hear about her healthy baby, so I just do not talk to her as much. I know it is probably wrong on my part. I should be supporting her, but I dont feel like I can offer her any support because I feel like a total wreck. I am happy that she is having a healthy little miracle, but it hurts so bad not to have my little one. Well thanks fo checking on me, and I am sorry if I sound like I am whining. I love you all so much

God is good!!!

just rambling..

2009-07-07T09:59:00.003-05:00

This summer is going by SUPER FAST..I can not believe that Seth has already been gone for almost 3 months. Its crazy...On top of that..my birthday in in 2 weeks...I remember when I was a kid it went by so slow til after my birthday, and it wsa time to go back to school...I wish there was a way to slow down time. It seems like the days are getting shorter..even though I know they aren't....Well after having my brother and sister for 3 weeks..(yes 3 already)..they are sadly ready to go back home..they are both homesick..boy am I going to miss them..They help keep my mind off of things so much..after all they keep my so busy that I don't have time to think about anything...lol..well I guess ill let yall go for now..Love you all...

Summer...

2009-06-29T11:01:00.002-05:00

Is kinda depressing. We are always trying to do something fun, since I have my 7 YO sister and 9 YO brother, but with everything we do, I think Seth should be doing it with us. It should have been his first summer going to Magic Springs with us (for those of you who dont know Magic Spring is an amusement park/water park.) We should be making trips to Louisiana with TWO children, not just one. I should be taking HIM to the doctor to get shots, not myself for things that are probably silly. Summer is so hard. All that has happened in the past 11 weeks is just too much to deal with. All I can think of is WHY do I have to go through this..and not only ME but all of my wonderful friends that have also recently gone through this. I guess God know strong when He makes it. But I don't feel strong. I have all of these peolpe telling my how "Strong" I am..but really I don't feel like they see the realy "ME". The real "ME" cries when she is alone. I feel like I am a "put on" in front of people. They DON'T see the real me. And I wish they did. Because I don't think they would think I was so strong then.

Vote for Emma...

2009-06-22T19:31:00.001-05:00

http://gapc-vote.com/?p=1550123&a=2

The way God works.....

2009-06-18T07:47:00.003-05:00

Is truely sooo AMAZING. Throug all of my pain, since Seth's diagnosis, and death, He has brought me WONDERFUL women to befriend. He knew that through all of my pain, I would have these women to comfort me, and cry with me, and well, just be here when I need them most. And they have been such a BLESSING to me. I want to thank all of you, especially Misty, Celia, Myah, and Holly, Who have all 4 gone through this same devestating situation, all around the same time as we did with Seth. I find comfort in knowing that I can quickly call any of them, at anytime I want, and they know exactly how I feel, and can eithermake me feel better, or cry with me. I have grown to LOVE these women like they were in my immediate family. It is amazing who God will lead you to through a support group. Thank you 4 LOVELY women for, no matter when, always being here for me, when I need you most. You have no clue how much you all mean to me. I LOVE YOU!!! and thank you so much...MUAH

and the winner is.....

2009-06-17T15:30:00.002-05:00

Lower limit-1
Higher limit-16
ramdom number-8

CONGRATS MISTY!!!!
Your comment was number 8. Email me at emmasmommy1202@yahoo.com or on Facebook to give me info so i can mail you the keychain...
Love you

PJ

2 months..

2009-06-16T11:22:00.002-05:00

Today marks 2 months since our little Seth was here, and slipped peacefully back into heaven. It doesn't seem like just 2 short months ago I was holding my little man tight in my arms. Where does time go? I miss him so much. I just really can not believe that it has already been 2 months. And I don't know where I would be without you wonderful, supporting ladies. Thank you all so much for taking this journey with us. You truely were (and still are) blessing to us. I love you all so much.

God Bless You.

Giveawat #1!

2009-06-14T16:37:00.002-05:00

Well this is my giveaway #1. The gift is a key chain that says "there's an angel watching over you". All you have to do is leave me a comment telling me what you have planned ofr the summer. You have til wednesday at 12 noon central time to leave a comment. So dont forget to drop by and leave a comment.

Giveaways....

2009-06-08T20:55:00.002-05:00

Well I have decided to start my giveaway next week....Since I have not really been in town to buy gifts, I have nothing to start a giveaway with, and there are NO family christian stores where my hubby is working, and that is where i really wanna get the gift from. So Starting next week I will be staying back home..thank God. Talk to you all soon...

Love you all very much!

Giveaway...

2009-06-01T20:41:00.002-05:00

Well girls you are in luck, because now there are going to be giveaways on 2 blogs..so if you dont win on one..surely you will on another..I am going to start our giveaway probably next week..I still need to get a few gifts for this..I am really excited to do this..Because to me it feels like I am doing something for my little Seth, and maybe it will take a bit of my stress away....talk to yall soon,.,

Love you all very much!!!!

6 weeks

2009-05-28T14:04:00.002-05:00

Well it has officially been 6 weks since Seth came and went Peacefully back to heaven..I miss him so much. and I talk to him often...everyday, several times a day..and I let him know how much I love and miss him. And I get bashed by some STUPID LAME FREAK that hates me for loving my child. a mothers love is something that nothing, even a fatal birth defect, and take away. You can have all of the opinion you want, but keep it to yourself. Please. Let us mmooies have pride, and feel great for giving our children a chance at life. PLEASE KEEP YOUR COMMENTS TO YOURSELF..thanks.

Faith Hope Walker

2009-05-24T20:00:00.002-05:00

After a wonderful 93 day journey on Earth baby Faith Hope passed away peacfully in her mommy's arms. Faith was anencephalic like Seth, and her mommy was told that Faith, like Seth, would not live after birth. Boy did she prove the doctors wrong. I am asking you to please pray for the Walker family as they go through this. I know how it is to lose a baby, and believe me..they need the prayers. you can see pictures of Faith, and leave her mommy encouraging words at www.babyfaithhope.blogspot.com. Thanks

my daily struggle

2009-05-24T19:48:00.002-05:00

Everyday I find myself struggling to get out of bed. Worried about what the day has in store. Worried about just how much I am going to cry. I miss Seth so much that I struggle with going anywhere, worried that I might see a newborn, and break down. I should not feel sad when I see a baby. I should be happy that they have their baby. That they aren't going through what I am. And that they dont have to face this struggle. I struggle to tell people about my son that passed away. In fear that i might breakdown in front of them. Or that I might make them uncomfortable. I should not be afraid to tell prople about Seth. And I feel that If I dont mention him to someone, that I am trying to forget him. That is the last thing that that I should think. I know I oculd never forget that sweet little face. I should know that i will NEVER try to forget him. And all of this struggle leads to the wanting another baby. I struggle with the "what if people think i am trying to forget Seth b having another baby" or the "what if something happens to the next baby". I want all of this struggle to be over with. But I dont think it will ever be. I just want to have a normal life, which is something I will never have again. My family will never be the "normal" family again..when people see us they will always think that we have one child less than we actually do..they will never see our entire family together. I just want this srtuggle to END.

Seth mommy loves and misses you so much...cant wait to hold you again baby boy.

Seth's Day.. 4 16 09

2009-05-21T22:24:00.002-05:00

Well I left off in my recovery room...

After they placed Seth in my arms, they wheeled me to my room. And by the way it was the biggest room on the mother/baby floor...It was really nice. anyways... We got to the room, and instantly started getting visitors. I am so glad that Seth got to meet everyone that he did. He did not have any problems breathing until towards the end, but I will talk about that later on. Once Seth was in my arms, he was totally content. I feel so blessed to have been able to hold him while he was alive. Well of course I gave him lots of love, kisses and hugs. And I told him that I loved him so much througout the day. He smiled at me once. He also knew mommy and daddy's voices which made me very happy. I am so blessed to have had the time I had with him. Everyone Got to hold Him while he was alive, well everyone except for my sister. and we got pictures of everyone with him.He lived a wonderful 11 hours. Well I am getting really emotional so I will share more later..Thanks for checking in.

one month....

2009-05-18T12:34:00.002-05:00

Well on Saturday Seth turned a month old...oh how I miss him....
I recieved our testing results from Duke University, and Seth chromosomes were normal...Praise God...We are waiting for one more test to come back to be 100 % positive that it wasn't genetic..

I want to start telling you about our delivery and the birth of our little Angel...

On April 16, 2009 we were scheduled for a c-section. We woke up that morning at about 3:30, and had to be at the hospital by 5 am. We had a few visitors, and then they prepped me. I was wheeled into the OR where they placed my epidural, and started. Seth was born at 8:14 am CRYING. He weighed 5 lbs 9 ozs and was 17 3/4 inches long. Daddy and Seth went into the nursery and got him cleaned up, and put a diaper on him. By the time they were finished with that, I was finished and in my recovery room, where they brought Seth to me and placed him in my arms. Ill tell more about Seth's day later.

3 weeks

2009-05-07T11:17:00.003-05:00

Gosh where do I begin... I can not believe that 3 weeks has already gone by since my little angel arrived, and shortly left this world.. Where does time go? Well I had my postpartum appointment yesterday, and the doctor was REALLY nice and respectful... My incision isn't healing as fast as it should, and I have depression...but DUH..i have just lost a baby, so isn't that normal? I would think so....Emma and I got out and went shopping Tuesday...We had to get her some Summer stuff....and It was sooo hard to walk into the mall and see all of the babies...I just want to Scream "I just had a baby too, I have two children...not just one!!!"..so therefore I went out and bought Emma and Me airbrushed shirts..Mine says Proud Mommy with Seth and Emma's names on the back, and Emma's says Big Sister... I wanted it to say Big sister to an angel, or My little brother's an Angel, but it wouldnt fit....lol....but now everytime we go to the mall, we will wear those shirts....hehe...well thats all I have for now....thanks for checking on..Love you all....

webiste to all of Seth's pics.....

2009-05-02T13:56:00.001-05:00

http://annsnelson.smugmug.com/gallery/7930966_yD78m#514616955_kLJfe

Password is baby

2 weeks since Seth's birth and death...

2009-05-02T13:44:00.003-05:00

Gosh I cant believe it has already been 2 weeks (yesterday). It has gone by sooo fast...too fast.. We went out to his grave yesterday to make sure all of the flowers and such were still there because we have had some pretty bad storms...and thankfully they were.... I have had good days and bad ones...Last night was our first night back in our room/bed...we have been sleeping in the living room...and being back in our room wasnt the same...I wish he was here to cuddle with me...anyways I just wanted to update you all a little....talk to you later...Thanks for checking in on us!!

1 week since the funeral...

2009-04-27T13:31:00.002-05:00

Well it has been 1 week til Seth's funeral... I have been having a really hard time coping with this... Which is one of the reasons I have not updated the blog.... Sorry....... Just wanted to let you know a few things that have been going on.....My husband went back to work today, which is hard for me... My daughter is a total MESS... She is sooo sweet, she will look at pictures of Seth that we have hanging in the house, point to them and say "Bubba", which always makes me cry... I have been out, but not much..and I have ran into one person that didn't know..and telling them was very hard for me.....Please pray that I start doing better coping with this..I have really been having a VERY HARD time.....Thanks for checking in....

2009-04-17T21:06:00.003-05:00

Seth Ryan is our sweet precious baby boy. We were so fortunate to hear him cry, watch him and hear him breathe, watch him open his eyes. He will always be our special boy. He was born at 8:14 a.m. , weighing 5 lbs 9 ozs, 17 3/4 in long, lots of dark hair. He passed away around 7 pm and was surrounded by his parents, grandparents and friends. Seth has touched the hearts of so many and will always be in our hearts. We will be having his visitation at the funeral home on Sunday between 2- 4 pm and his funeral will be at 10 am on Monday. Thank you all for your prayers for us.

Happy Easter!!

2009-04-12T12:38:00.002-05:00

Well I hope everyone is having a great Easter...God is good!!!! Well I am trying to capture every little thing about my pregnancy these last 4 days..I just can;'t believe my little man is going to be here in just 4 short days!! my goodness how time has flown by!! Well I just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful Easter!!!!!

1 week left....

2009-04-09T14:27:00.002-05:00

Well, I only have 1 week left before my C-Section...How exciting...I will be going in Thursday April 16 (next thursday) at 5:30 am..my C-Section starts at 7:30 am and Seth will be here....I am sure I can get my Mother In Law to update the bog for you all, and I will also call Celia and let her know so she can let the ABFA group know!! I am getting more and more nervous everyday that gets closer!! And for those of you who already had your babies, you know how I am feeling right now..I have not had enough time with this pregnancy..It has flown by soooooo fast!!! I wish I could freeze time, and have a little more time with my precious little boy safe in my tummy!!! Well continue to pray for us..especially next thursday....I am sure I will blog more before then...but I definately will let you know as soon as I have him!~!

Thanks for checking in

10 days...

2009-04-06T15:58:00.002-05:00

Time is getting so close...and it is going by so fast. I wish I could stop the clocks and have more time with Seth being safe and sound inside of mommy....I am getting so nervous. I know I have said this before, but I am so ready to meet him, but not ready to let him go...I hope that God gives me the time that Myah has had with Faith..I would do anything for that time with my little man...Well continue to keep praying for my family...Next thursday is the date....So keep us in your thoughts then too!! Thanks

Thank you...

2009-03-31T14:12:00.003-05:00

Well we are nearing the end of our pregnancy..Just a little over 2 weeks left..(2 weeks and 2 days to be exact)... I just want to say thank you to all of you who have followed our Journey..and continue to follow our Journey... I have found comfort in expressing my feeling through this blog..and through the ABFA support group...Thanks to Celia for being there when I need to talk to someone..I really appreciate you soooo much..and I know I will be calling you sometime in these next 2 weeks to talk to you.... Also thanks to Holly...she sent me a wonderful memory book..and was also here when I needed to talk to someone..or just had a question...Well I am going to go...but will be blogging several times in the next 2 weeks!!

3/25 dr appt.

2009-03-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

Well today I had my next to last dr. appt before meeting Seth. It went really good I guess... Seth is growing really well... I will have another appointment on April 8th..that will be my final appt. and I will get my time for the c-section..We know it is on April 16, but we dont have a time yet...Thanks for checking in!!!!!

PJ

My Birth Plan

2009-03-17T14:11:00.000-05:00

Birth Plan
PJ Pumphrey

Due Date: April 16, 2009
Patient of Dr. ___________/ Hospital ________________

March 17, 2009

We're looking forward to sharing our birth experience with you. As you know, our baby was diagnosed with Anencephaly 18 weeks into our pregnancy. We have created this birth plan in order to outline some of our Wishes for his birth.

Please Note
Seth has anencephaly, but I still want him treated like a "normal" baby.
After he is born I would like for a sterile head dressing to be placed on my baby to keep infection from setting.

Cesarean Section Delivery
-I would like My Husband to be present during the surgery.
-I would prefer epidural anesthesia, if possible, in order to remain conscious through the delivery.
-If conditions permit, I would like to be the first to hold Baby Seth after the delivery.
-I would like our plans outlined here for after the birth to be followed as closely as possible.

After birth
-My Husband would like the option to cut the cord.
-Please allow the umbilical cord to stop pulsating before it is cut.
-I have made arrangements for donation of the umbilical cord blood.

Newborn Care
-I would like to hold Baby Seth through delivery of the placenta and any repair procedures.
-Please evaluate and bathe Baby Seth at my bedside.
-If Baby Seth must go to the nursery for evaluation or medical treatment, My Husband, or someone I designate, will accompany Baby Seth at all times.
-I would prefer to bathe Baby Seth myself, at my discretion.
I would like for my baby to get his sterile head dressing changed daily to help prevent and infection.

Postpartum
-If available, I would prefer a private room.
-I would like to have Baby Seth room-in with me at all times.
-I would My Husband to room-in with me.
-I would like my other children to have free visitation access.

Breastfeeding
-I plan to breastfeed and want to nurse immediately following the birth.
-Please do not give Baby Seth supplements (including formula, glucose, or plain water) without my consent, unless there is an urgent medical necessity.

Additional notes
-I would like to take still photographs during labor and the birth.
As of right now I do not plan to have my baby circumcised, unless a miracle happens and he is born without anencephaly.

Please take my wishes into consideration, as my only reason for this birth plan is so my baby has a bigger chance of being born alive.

Thank you.

One month left

2009-03-16T14:44:00.000-05:00

Well in exactly one month from today baby Seth Ryan will be here...I am so excited. I have been so busy getting ready that I didn't realize it till about noon today! I only have 2 more appointments til "The BIG day". I am so excited to see my little man, and so is his daddy...Not to mention the rest of his family. My little Emma is going to be a big sister, and I just know she will be a great sister. I am soooo ready, but I am also nervous. But who wouldn't be. I am so glad that all of you have traveled this Journey with us, and hoping that you will continue to after Seth is born..Thank you so much. You have been sooo supportive..and I love all of you!!

PJ

L&D...

2009-03-04T15:46:00.000-06:00

Well..I had another scare Monday Night...I thought I was in labor..but come to find out, I just have a bladder infection..ouch...lol...well I just thought I;d do a quick update....gotta go for now!!!

PJ

my doc appt/ultrasound on 2/18

2009-02-19T11:51:00.000-06:00

Well yesterday I had another ultrasound. It looks as if nothing has changed.. darnit. I was not able to get the results from my doctor because he had just got back from delivering a baby and had not gotten them himself. Everything else about the baby (heartbeat, moving, etc...) looked good. He was very active. He was faced toward my belly so we did get to see his beautiful face. And he was moving his eyes back and forth at one point. I was greatly excited to get to see my angel again. Well My doc told me that I will get all of the results at my next appt. so I guess I will know more then.

2009-02-17T12:56:00.001-06:00

27 Weeks and3 days preggo with baby Seth

Mommy Emma and Seth
27 weeks and 3 days preggo

Getting harder...

2009-02-10T14:58:00.000-06:00

It seems as time gets closer to have baby Seth it is getting harder for me to cope with things. I am getting more emotional, and crying alot more. I try to talk to my husband about things, but it just makes me cry, and when i cry it is hard to understand me. I just don't know what to do. I feel sooo good about not taking the "easy way out" and i knew when i mad the decision to carry to term it would be hard. But I never would have thought it was going to be THIS hard. I am soo ready to meet baby Seth, but mot ready to loose him!! anyways i just needed to get that out!

PJ

Dr appt. on 2/4/09

2009-02-05T14:35:00.000-06:00

Well my doctor appointment went good. Baby Seth's heartbeat was excellent. and I GT ANOTHER ULTRASOUND ON FEB. 18th...YAY.. more updates later!!

Dr. Appt. on 1-21-09

2009-01-22T11:15:00.000-06:00

I had my appt to talk to my dr. and give him my birth plan. I was shocked when he agreed to everything. He told me Whatever I want they will do. I will be having my baby in April via scheduled c-section at 35 or 36 weeks. I also told him that i want my baby to be treated like every other newborn in the hospital as far a suctioning and care goes. he also said that will be done. That they will do anything to keep my baby with me for at least a little while. I was sooo relieved. The actual date will be set later on, but i know that i will be receiving everything that I want and that is best for my baby Seth.

Keep praying. its working...

When we found out.

2009-01-14T13:43:00.000-06:00

I had my first ultrasound on December 10, 2008, oh how excited i was. When we got there the tech done the usual: measured the baby and that stuff, then she said you are having a baby boy!! I was soo excited. She let me go to the bathroom, when i came out the doctor was in the room with us, i knew something was wrong because with my first pregnancy the doctor didn't come in. He said "there may be something wrong, your baby's head look abnormal." of course i thought maybe downs syndrome or something. So when they set me up for my level II ultrasound i prepared myself for that. When the specialist at UAMS came in he held my hand and said " hunny i'm sorry to tell you that your baby has a very rare defect called anencephaly. With anencephaly he will not live long after birth." i started crying my eyes out. I was not prepared for this, then he went on to explain what anencephaly was. During this time i cried and cried. I called my husband and told him, because we weren't thinking that there was something major, he did not take off of work, tho now i wish he did. Well I went home, where all i could do is cry. If you have ever been in this situation, you know how i felt, and how i still feel. Well i am due May 15, and i am very very scared for this day to get here.

This was the beginning of our journey with anencephaly.