Everyday I find myself struggling to get out of bed. Worried about what the day has in store. Worried about just how much I am going to cry. I miss Seth so much that I struggle with going anywhere, worried that I might see a newborn, and break down. I should not feel sad when I see a baby. I should be happy that they have their baby. That they aren't going through what I am. And that they dont have to face this struggle. I struggle to tell people about my son that passed away. In fear that i might breakdown in front of them. Or that I might make them uncomfortable. I should not be afraid to tell prople about Seth. And I feel that If I dont mention him to someone, that I am trying to forget him. That is the last thing that that I should think. I know I oculd never forget that sweet little face. I should know that i will NEVER try to forget him. And all of this struggle leads to the wanting another baby. I struggle with the "what if people think i am trying to forget Seth b having another baby" or the "what if something happens to the next baby". I want all of this struggle to be over with. But I dont think it will ever be. I just want to have a normal life, which is something I will never have again. My family will never be the "normal" family again..when people see us they will always think that we have one child less than we actually do..they will never see our entire family together. I just want this srtuggle to END.
Seth mommy loves and misses you so much...cant wait to hold you again baby boy.