Monday, June 29, 2009
Summer...
Is kinda depressing. We are always trying to do something fun, since I have my 7 YO sister and 9 YO brother, but with everything we do, I think Seth should be doing it with us. It should have been his first summer going to Magic Springs with us (for those of you who dont know Magic Spring is an amusement park/water park.) We should be making trips to Louisiana with TWO children, not just one. I should be taking HIM to the doctor to get shots, not myself for things that are probably silly. Summer is so hard. All that has happened in the past 11 weeks is just too much to deal with. All I can think of is WHY do I have to go through this..and not only ME but all of my wonderful friends that have also recently gone through this. I guess God know strong when He makes it. But I don't feel strong. I have all of these peolpe telling my how "Strong" I am..but really I don't feel like they see the realy "ME". The real "ME" cries when she is alone. I feel like I am a "put on" in front of people. They DON'T see the real me. And I wish they did. Because I don't think they would think I was so strong then.
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You are a strong person especially tell everyone you are. You are going to have days that are terrible but you will also have days where you are so happy. You will always miss Seth but you are always going to be his mommy. That is a great gift to have!
ReplyDeleteEven though you cant see it or feel it you are strong and I know it is inside you somewhere. Just dont be in such a rush to get there let the process take as long as it needs. always praying for you and your hubby. love---xoxox
ReplyDeleteI think we'll always see that missing link in our families no matter what the season in our lives.
ReplyDeletePJ, I SOOOO can relate to that....the feeling as though you are "putting up a front" for others when really you are just this sad, sad woman who cries all the time. I SOO get that! I feel the exact same way. As a matter of fact, I got told just today that it seems as if I died when Noah did.....Ya think??!! Of course I did....I am supposed to be a mother to an 8 week old little boy, not the mother to a baby who lived for so little time and now has passed....you know, THAT club....
ReplyDeletebut we must have had something that God thought was special and strong to have chosen us to carry our special babies....I don't get it either....I just know I'm not supposed to and God will finally tell me his reasoning when I go to heaven....until then, we just have to keep on living our lives...
Strong is going on even when we cannot bare too. Sweet girl, you are putting one foot in front of the other every day, even if you cry along the way. That deserves our applause. You're doing just fine moving along at your own pace.
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