Wednesday, July 22, 2009

feeling down lately...

Well my lovely followers, time for another sad mommy update...

They past few weeks I have been having a hard time. As some of you know my birthday was on the 20th, and boy was it hard not having my little Seth here with me. I should have had both of my children with me to celebrate, but I only had one. that is better than none right? This year it just wasn't the same, and I don't think it ever will be. A huge part of me feels so EMPTY. I cry all of the time, and having friends that are having babies does not help. Also, I don't remember if I told you or not, but my sister is also pregnant, which makes things even harder. We used to talk everyday, and when we were pregnant with our daughters (at the same time) we would call each other after every appointment. I am sad to say that we don't talk everyday anymore, because I am scared. I know it is going to hurt to hear about her healthy baby, so I just do not talk to her as much. I know it is probably wrong on my part. I should be supporting her, but I dont feel like I can offer her any support because I feel like a total wreck. I am happy that she is having a healthy little miracle, but it hurts so bad not to have my little one. Well thanks fo checking on me, and I am sorry if I sound like I am whining. I love you all so much

God is good!!!


  1. God is good all the time and all the time God is good!

    I'm sorry it's been so tough on you lately. I wish Seth could've been there for your birthday.

    When is your sister due? My sister is due in November. We were pregnant at the same time with our girls too.

  2. I feel the same way---and I also am having to deal with my sister being pregant, she is due in 2 months, and also my sister in law----so as much as it hurts, I am also THRILLED that we are adding 2 healthy babies to the family in a couple months. I know it will be hard, but I am still happy for them. Hang in there-----we are all in this together!
    Send me your e-mail address so I can add you to Jillian's blog.

  3. PJ, I'm right there with you....I cry ALL the time. My husband said he is worried about me because it seems as though I'm getting worse rather than better. I CAN'T handle hearing about other's pregnancies and healthy babies. I am simply, honestly, COMPLETELY JEALOUS of them. Why do they get the privledge of carrying healthy babies when mine had to die?? I HATE it!

    I think you are totally within your right to protect yourself however you see fit. If it means not talking to your sister as often because she is pregnant than so be it. You have your emotional well-being to think about. I just cancelled my trip to Michigan for that very reason. Because I don't think I can handle being around any one other than my husband & kids right now. I don't go out in public and I keep to myself whenever I do have to go somewhere.

    I imagine that any celebrations we have for a while, if not the rest of our lives, will always be rather dim now that we have had this experience. I'm sorry that your Bday was not the best. Mine is coming up as well and I don't imagine it will be all that promising either.

    I will continue to pray for each of us that healing will happen enough for us to see some light. I also pray that we are each successful when we do finally start to try again. I told my husband that I didn't think I would heal completely until I had a healthy baby in my arms. I imagine that is true for all of us....

    I love you girl! Please remember that you can call me any time....I am ALWAYS here for you!

  4. I'm sorry PJ. I know it must be hard. Stay strong. I will pray for you.

  5. Dear PJ, I haven't posted a whole lot on your blog, but I do follow it and I do pray for you. I understand your feelings about friends and their pregnancies. I can't imagine how much harder it would be to have someone as close as your sister pregnant while your pain is still so fresh and raw. I will continue to pray for you and your aching heart.
    Andi Soergel

  6. Holly could give you some insdight on this as her sister is pregnant now too. I know it hurts so bad and you are going through a tough time. PJ this is something that will be with you till the end of time and we all deal with it in our own way and only time can get us through anything. I am praying for you. I imagine your sister is feeling the same way you do not knowing how to react to you and so she stays away too. I dont think it is healthy for either of you but i certainly understnad it. I hope you dont think I am being nasty, I am just telling you from my heart. And i am sure you would want someone to be honest with you. I will call you Thursday.

  7. Happy Belated Birthday!! My birthday is the same day. It is perfectly normal to feel the way you are. You whine all you want. We are all here to listen to you, pray for you and support you.

  8. I've come over from Story of Jillian Grace and have been a silent follower of yours for quite some time now. First, Baby Seth Ryan is so very precious and beautiful! I just want you to know that I'm still praying for you and your family and all the anen mommies and their families. You need to be able to express what you're feeling and know that we are still out here for you and hoping the best for you and your family!!

  9. Thinking of you always, sweetfriend.

  10. So you don't know me, I found your blog through Myah's which I found through another blog I read, but I just wanted to say that I have started reading this blog from the beginning, and my heart just hurts for you. I am so sorry that you (and the rest of your lovely ladies, Celia, Myah, Holly) are having to go through this most painful of experiences. I send you the biggest hugs I can for you and for them. Please know you have someone else thinking about you and sending as much love and peace as I know how. ♥