Thursday, August 6, 2009

UGH...

The past couple of days have been HORRIBLE for me. I have had people tell me I need to "move on" and "get over" my son dieing. I have had a friend lose her 19 month old son, and watched my sisters dream to be pregnant crash. First off let me say to those of you who think the mothers that have lost a baby need to move on, We WILL NEVER "move on" or "get over" our children. We are supposed to want our children back. It isn't like it's a parent or grandparent. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BURY THEM. They are the past. A parent should NEVER have to bury a child. Children are the future, not the past. They are supposed to bury us, and mourn our loss, we are not supposed to bury them and morn their loss. If you have ever lost a child you know how I feel. And this may sound mean, sorry if you get offended by it, but, YES a miscarriage is a loss, that I know, and I know it is painful. But please don't tell me you "know" how I feel because you had a miscarriage early in your pregnancy. Because YOU DON'T you did not have to hold you child and watch them slowly die. I am sorry that you had a miscarriage, but I promise it is in NO WAY harder than carrying a baby to term and watching them die. ANYWAYS...A former friend told me yesterday, that I needed to MOVE PAST Seth dieing, that he and his wife had a miscarriage, and the loss is not as painful as I put it out to be...Excuse me for saying this..BUT to hell with you Shawn. you have NO CLUE. Needless to say, we do not talk to them anymore. Sorry formaking you listen to all of my ramblings..but I needed to get it out. Please continue to pray for our friends Jamie and Travis as they bury little Ben tomorrow, at the young age of 19 months. We l0ove you Jamie, Travis and Anna!!

PJ

12 comments:

  1. You never get over something like this, you learn to live with with & with time it does get easier (well most of the time)...but you dont "get over it".

    ((hugs))

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  2. PJ....You SO have it right! This is not something anyone ever just GETS over! No parent should EVER have to bury their child....It just is so screwed up and not the way things should be. I HATE than any of us has to have anything to "get" over in the first place! And, like you said, having birthed them and then holding them as they pass....WEll, I think that makes it even harder to "get" over.....I think we are ENTITLED to our grief....however we choose to express it....without judgment.

    So I'll be here with you....we can wade through this together.

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  3. I don't get why people think it's so easy to just move on b/c it's not. God forbid they ever have to experience it b/c as soon as you do your eyes are opened completely. I've never had a miscarriage so I cannot say what that pain feels like.

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  4. PJ---Please tell them I will say a prayer for them and I am thinking of them during this difficult time, I dont know what you are going through b/c I have never lost a child like that but will keep you in prayer.

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  5. PJ, I don't know where my comment went....but I had posted one last night.

    Anyway, I so totally agree with you and this is not something I think we will ever "get" over. We might come to a place where the tears don't flow as freely but I doubt that we will ever "not" cry over our precious babies.

    I am so, so sorry about your friends. As hard as it has been to say hello & then goodbye to Noah....well, they had 19 months of hello before having to say goodbye.....The pain must be intense. I pray that you will be a beacon of light to them and somehow you can each comfort each other in your shared experiences.

    You are a wonderful person PJ.....I know you wil hold this special couple and walk along witlh them....It's a long, hard journey. But there is goodness at the journey's end.

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  6. Your loss is very different that anything I have been through. I have had 6 miscarraiges yet cannot get my head around what it would be like to watch that little baby slip away. I do pray that it gets easier. I know that it will as time passes but for now you grieve and cry and vent whenever you feel you need to let it out.

    ~Jennifer~

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  7. I agree you don't get over lossing a child and you problely never will. It will be 20 years on August 29,2009 since I lost my daughter, and it still hurts like it was yesterday.You will have days that the pain is bearable,but so far it is still there. So to the dumb asses that think you wake up one morning and you forgot you carred your angle 9 months and and delevered, then not to see her/him grow up they are crazy. I hope they never have to.

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  8. this is to all the people that think you get over the loss of a child. My name is Joe Luccous and i am Pj's dad and Seths grandfather. I was holding Little Seth when he went home. That in itself hurt me more than anything that has ever happened to me. I can't even imagine what it like for Pj. The way it is supposed to happen is that your children grow up and bury You. You shouldn't have to bury them. Anybody having the nerve to say that you are supposed to get over something like that should come and discuss it with me. I think I can set you straight

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  9. Oh my gosh, how could someone say those things to you, PJ? I can understand why you are so angry. I have also had several people say "I know how you feel" because they had miscarriages early on (some even before they knew the baby existed), and it upset me also. But Jenn, I'm thankful you never said that to me. Both are child losses and both are trajic but you can't compare the two situations. Pj, I love you... I know it sucks. No one should expect a mother to "get over" losing her child. Those "friends" of course were not using their brains or their hearts when they said that to you.

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  10. I have not gotten the you need to get over it yet .. i am sure i will by someone. I probably wont be a happy camper on that day. I never want to "get over" my baby girl though.

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  11. I just wanted to offer you my prayers and a big hug! I am sorry for your loss.

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  12. you are so right! I had amiscarriage if twins and I certianly know it would have been much harder to hold them inside formonths knowing they were going to die and then to watch it happen despite my prayers ....how horrible that must have been. I cant and NEVER want to imagine. I have so much enjoyed having you as a FB friend thanks for your supportive words even during your grieving time. YOur amazing and Seth IS beautiful. You shlold not ever have to get over his passing...it is just impossible to get OVER it..anyone who say for you to do that is justnot worth talking to..you obviolsy love that precious lil boy and Im sooooo sorry he had such a small amount oftime with you, but am sooo happy that you believe in the father god almighty and know that you will see him agian one day. With much love and compassion i wish you the best and some symblance of peace n your heart. HUggs

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