Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Ramblings of a hurting mommy.

Wow. It has been so long since I have done ANYTHING here. Where do I even begin? I have kind of stayed away, because in some way, being here makes me hurt. Having to have a blog, for a dead child...it just hurts. Tomorrow, we will come to the 22nd month without our sweet, precious son. That means in just 2 short months, we will celebrate yet another birthday/ANGELversary. He is DEARLY missed. People have told me that in time, it will get easier. Well here we are 22 months later, and I still hurt as much, if not more than I did 22 months ago. I really don't think it will EVER get ANY easier. Saying goodbye to a chile, is NOTHING like saying goodbye to a parent, grandparent, or sibling. Yes, I understand, thant DOES hurt, I understand, because I lost the woman that I called "mom" when I was only 12. But that didn't hurt near as bad as losing my son. Yes, I do miss my mom. But I don't cry EVERY NIGHT for her, like I do for my Seth. I just miss him so so so much!!! Life isn't easy, when you can't hold ALL of your children in your arms. With all of this being said, I must now go to work...the one place, when on days like today, I really DO NOT want to go...

God Bless You all!!



  1. PJ,
    My heart hurts for you - so much. I pray for healing in your heart and soul and you just to cherish the thought you will spend eternity with him.
    While I have not lost a child (thank you, God, Jesus and Mary), I went through mental torture of losing my niece, Faith, 4 years ago. Her birthday is next week and she would have been 8. I held her lifeless body on the ambulance and thought there was NO other pain as great as that. It has taken years of therapy and so, so, so many prayers to be able to talk and think about her without crying.
    SO, keep talking, keep sharing, keep praying and keep loving your little baby boy who is watching you from above.

  2. Praying for peace for your heart, dear PJ. It is a long tough road after you lose a child. Can't believe Seth would be nearly 2 years old! (((HUGS)))

  3. Even though I dont know your pain of losing a child, losing a grandchild feels like it and it hurts too. But, time and knowing I will see her again gives me comfort to keep pushing forward for the ones I love that are here. I think Carleigh would want me to do that. Mommy loves you Seth!!!!!

  4. I'm praying for peace for you, PJ!

  5. I know it still hurts. I feel it too. I'm feeling it a little more lately as we approach Carleigh's 2nd birthday. I wish that we still had them so much.